Hello Parenthood

Parenthood. Wow, wasn't I ready. I mean really, I was not ready. But, in hindsight how could I have been?

My son made his debut into this world, one month early via emergency C-section. So yes, practically I wasn't ready. The nursery wasn't done, the main cot hadn't been delivered, a bunch of things still needed to be bought. Didn't I need all of the things? The gadgets? More blankets? You can never have enough blankets right?!

So, despite not being practically ready, I had all these illusions about parenthood and what I would do. Here's five things I had illusions about and how they actually turned out.

1. I wouldn't co-sleep with my baby. In fact, I read all the SIDS articles on how this could be detrimental to your child - so why would I risk it? In fact, I felt so strongly about this that I ended up getting not just one cot, but two! One for the nursery (naturally) and a special co-sleeper for our bedroom. So because my son was born early, I was encouraged to sleep with him on my chest (as a form of kangarooing), in my bed of course. This meant that the beautiful cots that I had so diligently chosen and purchased were only used for daytime naps. At first it was difficult, because he was on my chest it meant that I didn't get much sleep, but slowly over time I learnt to sleep around him. His rhythm, became my rhythm, and now I've come to look forward to 'bed time', because its' where I get to cuddle my little boy for a few straight hours, and honestly I don't know how much he's going to allow that as he grows older. And so, some nights I win the 'parent war' and get him into his co-sleeper, while other nights I hold him tight and cherish the beat of his heart and smell of his hair. PS: It has to be acknowledged that I've been thrown up on a number of times in bed, and I often wake up with a stiff neck and back from concocting myself in different positions to accommodate him, but in truth I wouldn't have it any other way.

2. I wouldn't let my baby watch tv. As it turns out I have a high-need baby. This means that sometimes he is incredibly needy and just doesn't want to be put down. This can make things like showering or going to the bathroom challenging. And so I succumbed, and downloaded a series of children's nursery rhymes, and on the tough days I let him watch for longer than I should.

3. I had this idea in my mind that as a new mom I would eat healthily and go to gym And then we laughed and laughed... There have been more times than I care to remember that I've driven around with my baby asleep in the car to go through a drive-through. Sitting in the suburban streets, scoffing down my big-mac while my car is still idling (because how else do you keep the baby sleeping?) Also - gym? I can count the number of times I've managed to go on one hand since my kid was born.

4. Seeing as my baby would wake up early in the mornings, I would still be able to meditate and do yoga at home. The truth is that by the time 7am rolled around I would be so exhausted and haggered from my son's night-time routine that even if I attempted meditation I would surely fall asleep.

5. I would maintain my appearance. This is a hard one. Because I no longer want to wear high-heel and dressing up is often a waste because 90% of the time I'm covered in baby spit-up. Makeup has become a 'sometimes' occasion - because my little boy (and husband) love me regardless of how much base is on ma' face. Does it mean that I no longer care about my appearance? No, it just means that I've accepted that what I'm going through with my little boy is just a phase of my life. I feel like I'll blink and this phase will be over. So I'm just embracing everything and trying to treasure the chaos that is.

So that's where I am. My grand illusions of parenthood came crashing down . However, it hasn't been one big tumble, it's been gradual in many ways. Already my little guy and I are learning the trade of compromise. I'll compromise on 'one more bite of solids' but not on 'stay naked during winter' (which is his absolute favourite). I have no doubt that there are many more compromises and tough-love situations in my not too distant future, but for now I'm just enjoying snuggling him a little while longer.